Who knew about the gifts a baby can give his parents...

Who knew about the gifts a baby can give his parents!?! If someone can figure out how to put into words the feeling you get from loving a little baby so much then I think more people would have children—and sooner rather than later. When we arrived to see Par his nurse said he had been doing really well (tolerating the weaning we spoke about in the previous post). Rusty and I were just gazing at him and telling him how precious he is when the nurse walked up and said we could touch him (on his hand and head—not stroke or rub, just touch so he isn’t over-stimulated). Rusty told the nurse she better not be kidding me because he could see the look of disbelief on my face—I was so excited and I kept asking if she was serious. I let him grab hold of my finger—the first time to ever hold his hand—his little hand is so soft! He was grimacing a little but stopped when he grabbed my finger. I then put my hand on the top of his head (they feel secure—it reminds them of the womb) and just cupped it—again, he was grimacing until he felt my hand on his head. If I wasn’t still healing from the c-section, I think I could have stood there all day like that. It was just as meaningful to watch Rusty cup his little head and hold his hand—seeing Rusty love this little baby evokes a feeling I didn’t even know existed because I take as much joy from watching my husband hold his little baby’s hand as I do when I get to hold his hand myself.



I met with the lactation nurse today about my marathon pumping—she showed me what to do to help the milk come faster. I have pictures from her helping me but for some reason they aren’t showing up on the post. Needless to say, hopefully I can get my pumping times under 30 minutes—we’ll see!
While mom and I sat by Par’s bedside today (which was so nice for me not to feel like my time with him had to be “planned out”) I returned emails—or tried to catch up a little. Mom read her book. Par just slept peacefully. Dr. Kays stopped by and reported that our little boy was doing well and that his plan is to do the repair surgery in the next couple of days—assuming all continues to go well with the weaning. I asked if he would just decide an do it, or if we would have some warning—he sort of smiled and said “consider yourself warned”—and then said he’ll try and give some sort of heads up, but that is just depends on the situation whether he can give much warning. We’re just happy he mentioned it—we’ve been wondering but don’t want to “rush” anything or ask too many questions.
Just before we were leaving to go home for dinner and shift change, Par had some tubes changed and really didn’t tolerate it well—his numbers dropped big time—Dr. Kays came in (he must have been paged) and started adjusting things and messing with things, quizzing his nurse on what may have happened…it was pretty scary. When Dr. Kays initially came in he looked at the nurse and said “I heard you were trying to break my baby”—she was uncertain about what went wrong. They stabilized him and Dr. Kays doesn’t seem too worried…he thinks we may have just reached a threshold of weaning the nitric oxide and the oxygen. They then went to change some tubes in his mouth (per Dr. Kays’ request) and we got to see precious Par’s face for the first time—I only wish Rusty had been there to see it too—but they were nice enough to give me time to get my camera out to snap a picture. His little lip is bleeding because they are chapped from the tape holding the tubes—and he has a little tape mustache—but you can’t deny that he is a beautiful little boy. I know it looks like he is crying, and he might be, but there is still no sound coming out. I may regret saying this (I’m sure you mothers out there will gasp) but I can’t wait for the day when we hear his little cry for the first time.


Rusty and I went back to see him after dinner and shift change. His numbers aren’t where they need to be, but they are pretty close. He seemed very peaceful and it was a nice change from the chaos this afternoon. We pray that he will have an uneventful night and that he will settle down and have great numbers by tomorrow morning.
Please pray that if Dr. Kays does the surgery tomorrow it will be in the late afternoon. I have to have my staples removed from my C-section and that is across town and I would hate to not be right there during the surgery. We also ask that you will join us in praying that Dr. Kays will be clear headed in making the decision for the repair timing. We thank God for His endless gifts—just now experiencing the real rollercoaster of CDH, these gifts are what give us so much hope and trust in His plan for our son.
As always, we thank you for your sweet words of encouragement and constant prayers.
Love, Liz,Rusty & Precious Par